Nothing But Porn

I was overwhelmed in college. Nothing prepared me for the distractions I would face and the stressors of managing my time in class, studying, hobbies, keeping up with my family, and being with friends.

Video games and porn were an easy button for helping me check out when I felt overwhelmed with stress. I didn’t realize the negative effects of what it was numbing in other areas of my life.

When I started to realize the stuff I was watching was dark…really dark, I knew I needed help.

It didn’t start that way. The first time I saw anything about sex was porn at a friend’s house. I was 11. It seemed so innocent back then. I was instantly hooked and felt power and confidence.

The older I got, the more I realized that the fantasy in porn was so much easier than the real world challenge of actually having to talk to girls. I didn’t want to date. I didn’t want to hang out with my friends when girls were there. I didn’t really want to do anything. I had everything I needed in the palm of my hand….literally.

Relationships were hard work. Porn and masturbation were easy.

Little did I know the ease and 24 hour access to porn was about to ruin my life.

When I finally found a girlfriend, I didn’t even want to have sex with her because that involved communication and waiting. I didn’t want to wait for her when I could have any woman I wanted any time I wanted through porn. Only I wasn’t having sex with only woman. It was dark stuff. So dark, I’m ashamed to admit it here.

I started feeling bad. I would skip class. I would pass on time with friends. Porn actually took over my life to the point that people thought I was suicidal. Maybe I was. This wasn’t life…not like I wanted.

How can something so seemingly good be so bad?

I finally got some help through the online community of others who are struggling with porn. Maybe I’ll be free from it one day. Maybe I’ll fall in love with a real woman instead of the fantasy I created online.

For now, all I know is that I want my life back.