Better Off Dead?

“Comfortably Numb” by Pink Floyd starts by asking “Hello? Is there anybody in there?”

That’s how it feels when you’re addicted to porn.

When I feel any kind of negative emotion, all I want to do is check out from reality…numb the pain.

My drug of choice? Porn.

1-2-3-4-5 hours go by. Nothing to show for it.

Missed calls. Missed connections. Missed everything.

I’m always late for class…for work. And when I am there, you can guess what I’m focused on.

My “relationships”? If you can call them that, I’m not focused there either. Friends, family, females I’d like to spend time with - but I can’t. I’ve gotten so numb to what is real that I’d rather check out and watch porn.

But, I don’t really want to. I used to want what everyone wants - to fall in love. But, porn stole that fantasy from me. I don’t even know what love is.

I see where this is heading. The guilt, the depression, the disgust, the embarrassment, the emptiness — all of it. It feels like this is going to kill me one way or another.

“Just nod if you can hear me.” Comfortably Numb, Pink Floyd